The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, “What’s a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?” To stress his point he said to another guest, “You’re a teacher, Barbara. Be honest. What do you make?” Barbara, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, “You want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began…) “Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor winner. I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can’t make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental. You want to know what I make? (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table) I make kids wonder. I make them question. I make them apologize and mean it. I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions. I teach them to write and then I make them write. I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in math. They use their brain, not the calculator. I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know about English while preserving their unique cultural identity. I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe. Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life. (Barbara paused one last time and then continued.) Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn’t everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant. You want to know what I make? I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make Mr. CEO? His jaw dropped, he went silent.

Posted on February 12, 2010 by jennifer

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, “What’s a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?”

To stress his point he said to another guest, “You’re a teacher, Barbara. Be honest. What do you make?”

Barbara, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, “You want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began…)

“Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor winner. I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can’t make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental.

You want to know what I make? (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table)

I make kids wonder.
I make them question.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.
I teach them to write and then I make them write.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them show all their work in math.
They use their brain, not the calculator.
I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know about English while preserving their unique cultural identity.
I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life. (Barbara paused one last time and then continued.)

Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn’t everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant.

You want to know what I make?
I MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

What do you make Mr. CEO?
His jaw dropped, he went silent.

This is from my dear friend, Lisa, who is a teacher who trains teachers. But I’m not sure where she got it, so we’ll call it “unsourced web story.” Let me know if you’re aware of a source. And I want to dedicate this quote to all the amazing teachers at Hawthorne Elementary & Franklin Middle Schools. You know who you are. You DO make a difference. And we notice. Thank you.

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It was a beautiful morning, no rain….yet. Haha. Needed to get a hard bike workout in in the morning, so we went to the nearby weight room where we had lifted a couple times this summer, and had a good solid 28min. cardio bike. It was short, but it is tough. From there we literally hurried back to the hotel, packed up our 5 suitcases (yes, five! From all the clothes we got the previous day and then from what we had brought already), and rushed to get our stuff to the bus that was taking us to the Olympic Village. Ah, craziness, but what a thrill. Finally, we were able to get a piece of the Olympic experience!

Posted on February 10, 2010 by jennifer

It was a beautiful morning, no rain….yet. Haha. Needed to get a hard bike workout in in the morning, so we went to the nearby weight room where we had lifted a couple times this summer, and had a good solid 28min. cardio bike. It was short, but it is tough. From there we literally hurried back to the hotel, packed up our 5 suitcases (yes, five! From all the clothes we got the previous day and then from what we had brought already), and rushed to get our stuff to the bus that was taking us to the Olympic Village. Ah, craziness, but what a thrill. Finally, we were able to get a piece of the Olympic experience!
Nancy Swider Peltz is blogging again. Check out our local Wheaton Olympic hopeful: http://www.nancyskates.com … p.s. Your kids might really enjoy reading this blog with you.

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Premature Thoughts on Parenting Teenagers

Posted on February 10, 2010 by jennifer

The Rollercoaster Expedition GeForce (Holiday-...Image via Wikipedia

I need to start out by making something absolutely clear. I have three children, but the oldest is 12. He turns 13 on March 26. So, we’re not there yet; we haven’t experienced parenting a teenager. And, like many things in my life (whether I like scary movies, whether I will ever dye my hair, and whether I ride the huge roller coasters, for example), I reserve the right to change my mind. About any of the stuff I say about parenting teenagers. Because, really, it’s a pretty dangerous thing to develop opinions about something before you’ve experienced it. And even more dangerous to share those opinions.

But here I go. I’m going to risk it. If you are already parenting teenagers, I’d love to hear if you agree or disagree. For me, parenting is a journey and I glean as much advice as I can along the way.

I recently became aware of a friend of a friend who knows a 13 going on 14 year old who is dealing with substance abuse issues. We all know this happens. When I was a kid, it was the stuff of After-School Specials. Perhaps you know a family that has struggled with a young teenager abusing drugs or alcohol. Perhaps it’s your own family. Perhaps it’s you who has struggled with addiction or drug and alcohol abuse. It’s always a painful path — for the individual and for everyone around him or her.

I don’t know the family of this young man well at all. Because the particular situation is so distant from me (geographically and relationally), I have the luxury of pondering why. That’s really hard to do when you’re in the middle of it yourself. But from this distance, I can do that. And perhaps it’s precisely because my oldest is 12 that I’m thinking not only about why, but also about why not. That is, are there circumstances that come together to prevent a teenager from dealing with these issues?

Because if there are, and if there is anything I can do to create those circumstances, I want to create them. Now. For my children. And for other children whose lives are connected with mine.

If I’m honest with myself, I desperately want to believe that the answer to this question is a resounding YES! I want to believe that my involvement in my children’s lives can have a deep, long-lasting and positive impact on them. I want to believe that these sorts of outcomes and struggles are not out of my control. That is, I want to believe that I can prevent them from happening.

Well, there we’ve hit upon it. While there may be few parents who would disagree with this desire for our children, what becomes clear is that I desperately want to control this sort of situation. No, let me be honest. I want to control my children. I want to orchestrate their lives in such a way as to avoid these pitfalls.

And, you know, that’s not entirely possible. Perhaps that’s parenting lesson #1, the one you learn somewhere roundabout when your crawler becomes a toddler. The lesson that hits home on the first day of summer when you put those adorable Lands’ End shortalls on your 15 month old. If your life is anything like mine, on that sweet, summer day, the first thing that happens when your first-born walks out the door is he falls and skins his knees. And you wish you had been there, right there, right next to him, able to scoop him up just before his chunky, little knees hit the blacktop. You wish you could roll back the clock as you hold him and wipe away his tears while trying to put Neosporin and a Band-aid on each knee, all the while deceptively telling him that the Band-aids will make it all better.

We can’t completely control our children’s lives. We can’t remove the tough stuff. We can’t. And even if we could, we shouldn’t.

But, as I reflect upon this family’s struggle and the struggles that so many teenagers and families go through, I want to think about the parts that I can control, that I should control. I want to think about what I can offer to my children that will equip them to best meet life’s challenges.

As I mentioned, parenting is a journey for me. I’m always learning. I’m always tweaking how I approach things. And this is no different. I’d like to tell you a few things that are on my mind today — things I can offer my children. Tomorrow, the list might be different. It might be longer. Maybe I’ll come up with more I should be doing. But for now, these are my thoughts:

1. I can be in conversation with my children about stuff that matters. Now, there’s a pretty general statement. In the fullness of life, it is easy to spend time talking about everything under the sun, without ever talking about the real stuff. Life isn’t just about homework and dinner and making arrangements to play at a friend’s house. Life is also about relationships and faith and character and feelings. Over the years, there can be lots of conversations about these things. But in the end, it seems to me, that it’s really one, long conversation. Start the conversation early. Start it when he’s 18 months old and barely verbal. Start it when she’s 3 years old and going to pre-school. Start the conversation and keeping having it, over and over and over again. So that when you get to the really tough stuff, the stuff that you start thinking might actually make or break your kid’s future, the conversation is already there. You’re already in the midst of talking to one another.

2. I can help my children connect with peers and other adults who will positively impact their lives. Think what will of Hillary Clinton, but I loved her book, It Takes a Village. And it does, doesn’t it? Raising terrific kids never happens in a vacuum. It’s about teachers and coaches and neighbors and friends and youth pastors and aunts and uncles and grandparents. Surround your children with people who will pay attention in those moments when you aren’t able to. Surround them with people who care about them almost as much as you do.

3. I can offer my children a strong academic environment and an array of activities with which to fill their childhood. I know there’s too busy, but the fact is that children whose lives are full hardly have time to go find trouble. It’s just true. And when a child is focused on learning and succeeding, he is looking forward to a good future. And it’s not as easy to get side-tracked when you’re looking forward.

4. I can offer my children a faith that works, one that doesn’t answer every question, but answers a lot of life’s questions. When I introduce my children to my faith, I am offering them something outside of themselves, something they can hang on to when life gets tough.

5. I can offer my children the assurance that not only do I love them, but I like them too. Ok, I’ll be honest. I don’t like my children every single day, every single moment. I always love them. But sometimes I don’t like them much. And I especially have moments when I don’t like their behavior. But overall, I really, really like these three kids. And I think this is huge. I believe that if my son believes he is a worthwhile, likable person, he is more likely to find worthwhile activities to spend his time on. He is more likely to treat himself well and make good choices.

So, that’s it for now. I’m sure the list will grow. And I’m sure I’ll discover that even these aren’t a magic formula. For now, I’m enjoying this ride. One thing I say to my 12 year old these days is that I’ve never been the Mom of a 12 year old. And he’s never been 12 before this year. So, we’re figuring this out together. We will both make mistakes. And we will both often make good choices. And I will grow as a parent as he grows into a young man. What a privilege it is to be part of that journey for him. I am honored to be his mother … and I pray that God will give me the wisdom to rise to that task.

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To Blog or Not to Blog . . . that is the question.

Posted on February 9, 2010 by jennifer

When I set up this blog, I didn’t announce it to the world. Well, unless you count posting entries on Twitter and Facebook. I guess that’s a pretty loud announcement. But I just started posting. I didn’t say, “Hey world! Listen up. I have a new blog and you must read it!”

But, as you might imagine, a few friends here and there (and even a stranger or two) have found me. The reality of blogging is that it’s a tiny bit voyeuristic. Many of the people who read your blog never talk to you about it. They don’t comment in the comments. They don’t reply on Twitter or Facebook.

What I have found most interesting, though, is the people who see that I’m blogging, but aren’t really blog readers. They’re the ones who respond to me in person, when they see me around town or talk to me on the phone. And they have one question that they ask me:

Why in the world did you start a blog?

Our former rector and his wife have five children. Years ago, I learned something important from Beth. By all accounts, her life as a pastor’s wife and mother of (then) four was quite chaotic. If you took a look at her calendar, the activities that filled her days, many would say her life was really busy. But Beth would never describe her life as busy. She always spoke of her life as very full. I love that. And I’ve adopted it. My life is very full. I mean very full.

So, when my friends ask me the question, I know exactly where their coming from. In fact, if I’m honest, I ask myself the same thing each day:

Why in the world did I start a blog?

In many ways, I’m still trying to figure that out. But I’ll tell you today what I’m thinking about. [Oooh. That rhymes!] I have always enjoyed writing. Once upon a time, I wrote a bit of poetry. As a child, I wrote short stories that I was convinced I would publish as a children’s book. And over the years, there have been a few topics that I thought I’d like to write a non-fiction book about. More recently, I have the opportunity a few times a year to write an article for our church’s electronic newsletter. In fact, I might occasionally borrow them and bring them on over to the blog. The fun thing about writing for the e-news is that I’ve re-discovered that I love to write.

In a moment of poking fun at my husband, I told him I’d started a blog because I didn’t think he was listening, so I needed to find someone else who would. [Just to be clear (and kind), that isn’t at all true. He is a really great listener.]

But really, I think my main reason for starting a blog is what I said to a friend by phone the other day. And, if I may be so bold, I think it’s the reason anyone who writes anything writes at all.

I think I have something to say.

Wow. That’s bold. Even arrogant. But it’s also true. If I didn’t think I had anything to say, I don’t think I’d bother. But I have a voice. And something to say. I think. So, I’m going to try to figure out what that something is. And, for now, I’m going to do that on this blog.

So, if you’re interested in listening … stay tuned.

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Stalking . . . Revisited, or Why "Following" is a Good Thing

Posted on February 6, 2010 by jennifer

Do you ever look back at your understanding of a concept and recognize that your perspective has changed dramatically? Periodically in life, there are epiphanies … those wonderful moments of revelation when something becomes crystal clear. For me, processes of enlightenment are much more common than moments. And for this reason, it’s easy to not notice when they’re happening. But then, for some reason, you look back. And you realize that your understanding last week or last year is so completely different than it is today.

Facebook, Inc.Image via Wikipedia

Social media is a bit like that for me. I look at my life today — how I spend my time, how I communicate with friends, how I stay in touch with family and friends from long ago — and I can hardly remember what life was like before Facebook and Twitter and blog readers. I type that and I’m almost embarrassed. Seriously?! I don’t remember my pre-Facebook life? Well, that’s not exactly true.

But how do social media work? The essence of it is the ability to follow someone. Each medium has its own name for this. On Facebook, you ask someone to be your friend. [Isn’t that sweet? And how odd that, even I — who prefers decent, old-fashioned grammar — speak of friending people.] On Twitter, you follow someone. For blogs, you might follow someone. Or perhaps, you subsribe to their blog. Any way you slice it, you are making a formal connection with a person. You’re saying, “I want to hear what you have to say.” And even, perhaps, “I want you to listen to what I have to say.” Of course, some social media are explicitly one-way, unless you specify otherwise (e.g. Twitter & blog subscriptions), while some are explicitly two-way (e.g. Facebook).

Over the past couple of years, I have begun to read blogs regularly. I just checked in with Google Reader and I am currently following 32 blogs! Oh my goodness! Only a few of these are blogs with daily entries, though, so it’s really not as much reading as it may sound. The great thing about a blog reader like Google Reader is that the blogs I read come to me. I don’t have to remember to check 32 web sites every so often to see if the author has posted anything. Instead, I check one site a few times a day and read whatever is there.

If you look at the list of blogs I subscribe to, you’ll probably get a sense of the things that interest me, the issues that are on my heart. In fact, you could do the same thing with my bookshelves. In the world of social media, some people do a thing on Fridays called “Follow Friday.” It’s an interesting concept. On Fridays, they offer (for anyone that’s interested) suggestions regarding people to follow. I know it’s not Friday today, but I was thinking yesterday (when it was Friday) that it might be nice to occasionally tell you about a book that has been influential or that I really enjoyed … or a blog that I read that is interesting to me.

So, it might come up on Fridays. Or it might not. And it’s not necessarily in order of preference or importance. In fact, there are a few particularly influential books or blogs that I’ll need to work up to. [Remember, I’m an introvert by nature. You have to get to know me for a while to really know my heart.]

For today, I offer you Donald Miller. He’s the author of a number of books, some of which I’ve read:

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life (2009)

To Own a Dragon: On Growing Up Without a Father (2006)

Through Painted Deserts: Light, God and Beauty on the Open Road (2005)

Searching for God’s Know What (2004)

Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality (2003)

Donald MillerImage by j.gresham via Flickr

I might talk about them another day. For today, though, I offer you his blog. I like Donald Miller because his faith is deep and his love for people is deep. And he’s not afraid to speak his mind.

Who knows, maybe you’d like to follow him too.

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There are introverts among us . . .

Posted on February 5, 2010 by jennifer

There are introverts among us . . .

An amusing and thoughtful article about what it’s like to be an introvert … and how to be kind to the introverts you know and love. [Hat tip to Shelly @ mylifeonthewildside.blogspot.com for the link.]

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All shall be well . . .

Posted on February 4, 2010 by jennifer

Have you ever been to England? I love to travel and don’t do enough of it. I must say, England is one of my favorite places. My college friend, Rachel (libertyandowain.blogspot.com), has lived in Cambridge for some time. She’d likely tell you that you’d rather not live in England. While that may be true, England remains one of my favorite places to travel for a few days, a week or even a summer. [Note that I have never been to England in the wintertime. I recognize this might significantly impact my impression.]

If you’ve been to England and you’re anything like me, you’ve probably been to London. And maybe you’ve been to Oxford, where I have family, or perhaps to Cambridge. London, of course, is a bustling metropolitan city. The winding alleys of cobblestone and the castle, of course, set it apart from Manhattan or Chicago or L.A. And the accents are downright charming, if you ask me. But all in all, setting aside Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, gorgeous cathedrals and the House of Parliament, London is a major city for modern times.

Now, if you wander from London on up the highways toward Oxford to the northwest or Cambridge to the north-northeast, you find exactly what you’d think you’d find — beautiful (sometimes wet & chilly) green and brown countryside, rolling hills, plenty of cows, and eventually, lovely university towns with more cobblestone and little village pubs and students and dons briskly walking between ancient buildings.

But what if you go a little further to the northeast? If you head straight northeast from London in the direction of Denmark, you’ll hit the North Sea. But 15 miles before the sea, in the heart of the County of Norfolk, you’ll find Norwich, the county seat. Norwich is set in the middle of flat, fertile farmland. Along the coast, fishing villages offer business opportunities, but in Norwich, life for the “North Folk” is mostly about agriculture and has been for centuries.

By all accounts, I share my birthday, November 8, with a little girl who was born in in 1342 A.D. She grew up in Norwich and we’re really not sure of her name. But when she was 30, in this cold, but fertile land plagued by the Black Death, where no one was certain that they would live to see 20, let alone 40 or 50, this young woman thought she was dying. On her presumed deathbed, she received spiritual visions that she recorded soon after having them. She gathered them into what is now called Sixteen Revelations of Divine Love. In a twist of irony and providence, the young woman lived for another 40 years or so. And 20 years after her original writings, she wrote again, reflecting more deeply on the visions.

The young woman lived as an anchoress, one who has chosen to withdraw from the secular to live a life of contemplative prayer. She lived her adult lifeSt. Julian's Churchin a small room attached to a church, the Church of St. Julian. And so, our otherwise nameless young woman is granted a name, St. Julian of Norwich.

St. Julian is known as one of the greatest English mystics. Her writings, it is commonly agreed, are the first book written by a woman in the English language. In a time of turmoil, sadness and death, St. Julian wrote of hope for life and salvation. St. Julian’s optimistic theology spoke of God’s love and of joy in living. And the quote, for which she is most famous, draws us into her visions:

“All shall be well; and all shall be well; and all manner of thing shall be well.”

Sitting here in my suburban American life, I reflect upon the wisdom of a woman who thought her living was over. And even so, “all shall be well.”

Icon of St. Julian

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Everything You Needed to Know About Your Baby — From Birth to Age Two

Posted on February 3, 2010 by jennifer

As I find a blogging rhythm, I feel conflicted between reflecting upon my life — right now, as it is — and doing a little get-to-know-you bit. I guess it depends partially upon my purpose in blogging. Because I am hopeful that I am blogging to build relationships and conversations, I suppose that I will do some get-to-know-you sort of stuff.

[cue rousing rendition of Rodgers & Hammerstein’s “Getting to Know You” from The King & I]

If you are to understand who I am, it is important to know that I am a mother — mother of 3, in fact. Today, my children are 12, 10 and 7. I’m sure that they will debut in this blog some time soon. Today is not the day, though.

For today, I would like to offer a resource, my very favorite resource for parenting. I am a different person today because I became a mother. And this book, along with my mother and several influential friendships, informed my transformation into motherhood in ways that I could never have imagined.

The Baby Book, by Bill & Martha Sears (http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Book-Everything-Revised-Updated/dp/0316778001/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265243465&sr=8-1) was my middle-of-the-night reference, my inspire-me-to-tears commentary, my struggle-through-the-issues resource during the first few years of each of my children’s lives.

The funnest thing about this book, for me, was that I discovered it and embraced it for many months before discovering that the authors share a similar faith to mine. That wouldn’t have been critical to my appreciating their parenting and medical advice, but it was a wonderful little epiphany when I figured that out!

The bottom line of the book is that babies and parents do better when they’re attached — emotionally, physically, spiritually. I’m not sure who coined the term, “attachment parenting.” It might have been the Searses. Not sure. Not going to take the time to research it right now. But that’s their approach to parenting. And to me, it makes sense. It is how babies grow best. And it’s how parents learn who their babies are and how to, well, be parents.

So, in a way, I guess this is a quick shout-out to Bill Sears, MD and his wife, Martha Sears, RN, for deeply informing my mothering and helping my children grow into the lovely little people they are becoming.

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Are not all lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling…of that something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in all the momentary silences between louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to old age, you are looking for, watching for, listening for?

Posted on February 3, 2010 by jennifer

Are not all lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling…of that something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in all the momentary silences between louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to old age, you are looking for, watching for, listening for?

C.S. Lewis. The Problem of Pain.

It is such a joy to find those sorts of friends, isn’t it? I find that sometimes it is crystal clear in that very moment. And sometimes, it is only months into a friendship that I recognize how dear the person is … and how long that friendship will last.

For me, these sorts of friendships are pure gift, undeserved, and the secure joy upon which a sane life is built.

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Tumblog Organization?

Posted on February 1, 2010 by jennifer

Having researched blog hosts, I decided upon Tumblr. There are other good ones out there. I considered WordPress & Blogger & Blogspot. Tumblr seemed to have the simplicity and pre-formatted-ness that I was looking for. And it doesn’t hurt that I can easily post from my iPhone.

So, today I’m thinking about blog organization. How often will I post? Will I organize my topics or just post whatever is on my mind? Will I carry themes from week to week? Will I keep track of posting ideas?

And then, I ask myself, if I’m going to be organized about this, what will be my methods? Should I keep a text doc with a list of ideas? How about a spreadsheet? I wonder if there are applications out there that can help me with organizing? And, of course, I wonder if that’s just too much organizing for a simple tumblog?

Because that’s what I want this to be — a tumblog. A gathering of my disparate thoughts into a place where I can toss things around and ponder them. I think I understand (I’m just beginning to understand) that I have chosen a host that does not offer the opportunity for readers to comment. That’s ok with me. I’m posting these on Twitter and Facebook, so if you read this, you’re welcome to comment in that way. So, perhaps this becomes a conversation. I’m fine with that too. I like conversations.

So, should my tumblog of thoughts, my scrapbook of experiences and ponderings, have any sense of organization? Knowing myself and how I function best, I think it likely will. But that will need to evolve and emerge.

For today, I discovered the concept of a blog’s Editorial Calendar:

http://www.bloggingtips.com/2008/04/09/your-blogs-editorial-calendar-get-organized-then-relax/

This web site appears to be talking about blogging for an organization, but I think many of the principles are applicable even to me. What have I done with this information today? I’m tossing around possible topical themes. And I’ve created a second Google Calendar overlaying my personal calendar: JLKM Editorial Calendar. For now, I’ve just put topics for each day of the week.

I’m not sure if this will stick. I’ll have to see if it’s useful or if it’s too much of a burden. I’ll keep evaluating. A tool is only useful if it helps you accomplish something. Let’s see if this one does.

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