On Helicopter Parenting

Helicopter parenting is an interesting term du jour. I’m not sure when I first heard it: perhaps a year or two ago. My favorite on-line encyclopedia tells me that a:

Helicopter parent is a colloquial, early 21st-century term for a parent who pays extremely close attention to his or her child’s or children’s experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions.

Check out the full Wikipedia article here. The cartoon is especially amusing.

As I talk to other parents and read articles and books about parenting, I hear many anecdotes of helicopter parenting and many cautionary tales of the potential hazards of helicopter parenting. Until this article, I hadn’t seen much offering practical suggestions for how to avoid helicopter parenting or how to un-do your helicopter parenting habits. The article, from Parenting magazine, offers suggestions for how a parent could re-calibrate his or her parental identity. I like that, because from my standpoint, it’s never too late to change. If you conclude that your habits aren’t working for you, that is, they are ineffective, begin changing them today.

What do you think? Do you know any helicopter parents? Do you see any of these tendencies in yourself or your parenting partner? What practical cognitive and behavioral changes have you made to foster independence and responsibility in your children?

Lenore Skenazy, Free Range Parenter Extraordinaire, pointed me toward this article a couple weeks ago. Thanks, Lenore, for gathering us and drawing our attention to these important issues.

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Balancing the Scales

There are a number of blogs that I read regularly. I use Google Reader to keep track of them. Google Reader was a watershed moment for me . . . you know, like BC/AD, or before cell phones and after cell phones, or before TiVo and after TiVo.

There was reading blogs before Google Reader.

That was troublesome and irritating. It was hit or miss. Do I remember the addresses of the blogs I like to read? Do I remember to check them regularly? Do I find it irritating when I check them every few days, but the person hasn’t posted?

And then there is reading blogs after discovering Google Reader.

This is organized and structured. It is smooth and on my timing. Blog posts are there for me . . . whenever I want them to be. I don’t have to look for them. They are just magically: there.

I may occasionally, on this blog, draw your attention to blogs that I read. Today, here is one.

As you might imagine, I enjoy computers quite a bit. I like what they do for me. I like what they allow me to do. I like to work on them. I like to tinker with them. I even like to build them and re-format them. I especially like to help people work with computers. My favorite thing to do is to work with people who aren’t comfortable with computers and help them harness this tool and make it useful for them.

While computers have added to our lives and our culture in countless ways, their presence in our lives have also brought about subtle, gradual changes that are, at their core, losses. One such loss is letter-writing.

Tell me, seriously, when is the last time you wrote a letter? I mean, hand-wrote a letter. Not just a thank-you note, but a real, honest-to-goodness, newsy letter. It’s been quite a while for me, I know. Why pen when I can type, I figure.

Shaun Usher is a blogger who knows the value of a letter, especially a hand-written letter. His blog, Letters of Note, usually offers a letter each day, purely for your enjoyment, education, and pondering. Many of the letters are to or from people you know. Some are about important, historic events. Some are thought-provoking. Some are just sweet and lovely and worthy of your consideration solely for the content. This one is a bit of these last two.

Do you remember Kimba Wood? Judicially, she is best known for being the judge who sentenced Michael Milken to ten years in prison. While she was also President Bill Clinton’s second failed attempt at a Supreme Court nomination, as far as I know, she continues to serve as federal judge in the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York.

In the midst of one of her many cases in 2010, Judge Wood received a request from an attorney on one case. While requests from attorneys aren’t unusual, this one was quite unusual, as was Judge Wood’s reply. Be sure to read her hand-written response at the end. As a woman, a mother of a daughter, and a person who loves liturgy, feasts, and celebrations, I was amused and touched by both the letter and her ruling:

http://www.lettersofnote.com/2011/03/court-would-like-to-balance-scales.html

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Aidan’s Questions

I came across this (former) même the other day and was amused. Aidan is my youngest. He’s 9 now (almost 10), but he was about 5 or 6 when he answered these questions. I find them sweet and developmentally fascinating. The answers are so self-focused, in that innocent 5-6 year old way, which is fun to remember. It’s also fun to reflect on how much Aidan has grown in the last few years. I’ll see if he might be willing to answer the questions again this year. I’d be curious how he would answer them now:

1. What is something Mom always says to you?
I love you.

2. What makes mom happy?
When I’m nice.

3. What makes mom sad?
When I hurt people.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
when she says funny stories

5. What did your mom like to do as a child?
read books

6. How old is your mom?
41 . . . wait, 6! . . . wait . . .you? 41

7. How tall is your mom?
5.4 inches

8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV?
American Idol

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
do stuff on the computer or works on her phone

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
being the best Mom ever

11. What is your mom really good at?
taking care of us

12. What is your mom not very good at?
getting us to school on time

13. What does your mom do for her job?
work on the computer

14. What is your mom’s favorite food?
salad

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
that she tries to get us to school on time

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Sponge Bob

17. What do you and your mom do together?
go shopping

18. How are you and your mom the same?
We hug each other a lot.

19. How are you and your mom different?
My Mom has brown eyes and I have blue eyes.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
She hugs me alot.

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
that he makes some money

22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
movie theaters

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On Our Children & Adolescents Being Digital Natives

The following quote is a comment to this story about funding cuts to the California public library system. I’ve been thinking lately about what it means to be a digital native because our school system has been using that term recently. I like what this guy has to say, and wonder if K-12 school districts might change their approach to libraries and research and computer instruction if they understood this writer’s concerns. My experience as a parent and my observations of our school system tell me these concerns are real:

OK, the idea that kids these days are “digital natives” is a nice, self-serving fairy tale. It makes tech-lovers feel good, because they feel like they are at the front of a curve. It makes educators feel good, because then they don’t have to teach a complicated and multi-level sets of skills and knowledges that they don’t have a strong grasp on themselves. It makes government types feel good because they don’t need to devote resources to it. It makes the kids feel special, and kids need that. The problem is, of course, that it’s pretty much false — saying kids are “digital natives” because they can text, send email, and use facebook (all services provided by profit-driven companies, who love this false paradigm as well), is like claiming that kids these days are all automotive engineers because they have driver’s licenses.

I teach freshmen. Most of them have the barest idea of how to use the Internet except for simple, pre-packaged tasks. They have little concept of wider issues, like selecting a tool outside of their very limited set of daily resources, dealing with privacy (which they care very much about, but don’t have the understanding to guess how to deal with it), or asking questions about the purpose of the technology. And these are the reasonably well-off kids who have had access to the web for most of their lives. Students from less advantaged backgrounds have greater hurdles.

So, yeah, forget this idea of “digital natives.” Now, a library could help them get closer to that ideal, but we are busy closing the libraries because the “digital natives” don’t need them. And who, I wonder, benefits from a large mass of people who can’t do anything except what the tools they are sold let them?

(posted by GenjiandProust at 6:16 AM on 2/12)

What are your thoughts about the term digital native? Is it useful? Is it an accurate description of adolescents these days? Schools seem to draw conclusions based upon this assumption. Have you seen those sorts of conclusions in your school system? What do you think of them? Are you concerned about these assumptions and what they will leave out of your children’s education?

My thanks to Alan Jacobs for drawing my attention to this comment and the original post.

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An Invitation to a Holy Lent

I originally wrote this post as a newsletter article for my church three years ago. As we approach the beginning of Lent this coming week, I re-visited my thoughts here and thought I’d share them with you. I’ve updated the calendar information at the bottom, in case you are interested in joining us for Lent.

I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, by self-examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self-denial; and by reading and meditating on God’s holy Word. And, to make a right beginning of repentance, and as a mark of our mortal nature, let us now kneel before the Lord, our maker and redeemer.”

Book of Common Prayer, 1979

There are many of us who show up at All Souls Sunday after Sunday, even Wednesday after Wednesday. We offer many programs and events and services, opportunities to serve and be served. We regularly have visitors join us from near and far, some for a Sunday or a few, some settling in to join our community. Yet there is a particular season when we have a set of new, yet familiar faces. We’ve heard tell that, for some, All Souls is their “Lent Church.” And, if it does not sound too proud to say so, All Souls does do Lent well.

Sonja Stewart, in Young Children & Worship, says, “Lent is the time the church gets ready to celebrate the mystery of Easter. There are six Sundays in Lent for getting ready.” The two greatest seasons of the Church Year are those that anchor our faith – Christmas & Easter. There is even the old joke about the C&E church attender who rarely attends church, but does attend on Christmas & Easter. Christmas and Easter are such important seasons to our Christian faith because they encapsulate the essence of the Gospel – the incarnation & the resurrection. And they are such important seasons, times of celebration, that we spend time getting ready to celebrate. For Christmas, we get ready for four Sundays, the season we call Advent. For Easter, we spend six Sundays of Lent getting ready.

The season of Epiphany follows Christmas and precedes Lent. Epiphany ends with Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday), also called Shrove Tuesday. While there is no particular tradition of Anglican liturgy for Shrove Tuesday, it is commonly agreed that the word “shrove” cames from the same root as “to shrive” or “to enscribe,” meaning to write. Some faith traditions use this opportunity to write down either one’s sins or one’s plans for engaging in a lenten discipline. It is also traditional to hold a pancake supper on Shrove Tuesday. This was to be the final feast, using up yeast and meat prior to the coming penitential season.

The day following Shrove Tuesday is, of course, Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. Traditionally, ashes created from the burning of the previous Palm Sunday’s palms are imposed upon the forehead as a reminder of our sinful nature. “Remember that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return.” And so begins this season of penitence and preparing, getting ready to celebrate the mystery that Christ died, and yet is alive.

We have several events and programs that you may find helpful as you prepare your hearts this year for Easter:

Shrove Tuesday Pancake Supper
Tuesday, February 21, 6:00 PM

Ash Wednesday
Wednesday, February 22, 12:00 PM & 7:00 PM

“Praying Our Way through Lent,”
a series taught by Catechist, Dr. Alan Jacobs
Sundays during Lent, 9:15 AM (simultaneous Sunday School for birth-12th grade)

Evening Prayer & discussion of The Rule of St. Benedict
a series facilitated by Mike Strachan
Wednesdays, Soup Supper 6:00 PM, programming for all ages 6:40 PM

Almighty God, you have created us out of the dust of the earth: Grant that these ashes may be to us a sign of our mortality and penitence, that we may remember that it is only by your gracious gift that we are given everlasting life; through Jesus Christ our Savior.”

Book of Common Prayer, 1979

We invite you, therefore, to join us for Lent. Join us in penitence and preparation. And, perhaps, you might just stay on and celebrate Easter with us as well!

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On Beginning

Especially for my friend, Rob; originally brought to my attention by my friend, Mark; and an important reminder to myself:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

William Hutchinson Murray (1913-1996)
(formerly, and inaccurately, attributed to Goethe)

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A Christmas Story

If you have a few moments today, you and your children might enjoy this sweet little interpretation of the Christmas Story. It will inspire you and make you laugh.

A Christmas Story

I wish you and your family a lovely, peaceful & merry Christmas!

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Day 19: A How-To

Final Day. Headed home. Overnight at the Hampton Inn in La Vista, Nebraska (just outside Omaha). We love Hamptons. This was the largest we’ve been at, almost a small apartment.

In case anyone is interested, I thought you might want to know a little bit about how I handled the blogging and trip management as we went. If you’re not interested, no worries.

I took a lot of pictures on this trip. Only a few of them appeared on the blog. I used my Canon PowerShot S3IS for all the pictures. It captures 6.0 mega-pixels of data and has a 12x optical zoom. I only needed to change batteries one time on the trip, though I came prepared with three sets of batteries for quick changes. My nature photography on this trip has made me interested in learning more about working with the manual functions on my camera, but ‘most every photo I took was on the “auto” setting.

I brought along our MacBook Pro and used the following applications as we went: Safari, Quicken Essentials, iPhoto, Snapfish, WordPress (in Safari & iPhone app), and Open Office.

Every night of the trip that I was able to, I performed several tasks:

  • entered credit card receipts into Quicken, so as to avoid having a huge stack to enter when we got home;
  • placed the credit card receipts together, in chronological order, in a business-size envelope I brought for that purpose;
  • downloaded all photos from the day from the Canon’s SD card (using my trusty hot pink card reader) to iPhoto, creating an “event” for the day;
  • uploaded this “event” to Snapfish;
  • placed an order in the Snapfish Shopping Cart for prints of that day’s photos;
  • started a blog post in Open Office about that day’s events;
  • identified those photos from the day that I would likely use for that day’s blog post, and uploaded them from iPhoto to my WordPress account; and
  • edited previous day’s posts, copying and scheduling them in WordPress for one per day when completed.

When we didn’t have internet access or good reception, completing a blog post might take a few days. By drafting in Open Office, however, I could work off-line in the car while Hal drove (thank you, Hal), as well as have a copy for myself off-line, in case anything went wrong with the WordPress post. One interesting experience I noted is that I needed at least a night, if not a day or two, to reflect upon that day’s experiences and figure out what I wanted to say about it. If I let it go for more than a day or two, though, I began to lose track of the salient points.

I’ve enjoyed blogging the trip. I hope you have enjoyed it as well. I don’t plan to blog our East Coast trip because it’s mostly to visit family, friends, and Harry Potter in Orlando. Our experiences and stories might find their way into blog posts, but they don’t need to be blogged as play-by-plays. Thanks for journeying with us on our adventure. If you’d like to see more of the photos, let me know; I’d love to show them to you. And if you’d like to hear more details about our trip, we’d love to tell you more.

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Day 18: A Recap

As we head from Denver to Omaha, Nebraska for the night, I am reflecting on our trip. Here’s our “Best of” the Merck Western Adventure:

Best Quotes:

  • Aidan, in our kitchen prior to departure, “Let’s get going. We’re burnin’ daylight here, people.”
  • Aidan (emphatically), in the midst of a tough hike in the Badlands, “This hike is stenuous!”
  • Aidan (very seriously), reaching for a Junior Ranger Badge that Austin was holding, “Put that down, Austin. You are not a Junior Ranger. You are not allowed to wear that.”
  • Aidan, in the middle of a hike, “I did not sign up for this.”
  • Haley (walking through downtown Denver), “Why are we going on this walk?” Hal (sarcastically), “To torture you.” Haley (seriously and emphatically), “I knew it!”
  • Hal (directing toward scenic views), “Pretty on your left. Pretty on your left.”

Best Lodging:

Zion Mountain Ranch (Orderville, UT: Zion National Park) hands down for cabins with exactly what we needed & for extra-fun amenities such as buffalo, horses, and a dog for fetching

Rio Grande Southern Hotel (Dolores, CO: Mesa Verde National Park) for comfortable, private rooms, a great price, a wonderful breakfast, and an adorable puppy

Roosevelt Inn & Suites (Keystone, SD: Mount Rushmore & Custer State Park) for a loft for the kids, meaning a bit of space to spread out

1225 Pennsylania (Denver, CO: David’s house) for historic significance, brotherly hospitality and thoughtful and historically authentic construction

Mather Campground (Grand Canyon National Park) for best (first?) camping experience, and for the company of family

Best Eating:

The Lodge at Bryce Canyon (Utah), with Tim from Washington State, for excellent sustainable food, attentive service, entertainment and stories by Tim

The State Game Lodge at Custer State Park (South Dakota) for amazing food and perfectly attentive service, as well as a lovely place for dinner as a family in a historically significant setting

The Buffalo Grill at Zion Mountain Ranch (Utah) for breakfast, for delicious food, attentive waitresses, a thoughtful chef, a gorgeous view, and Dakota (the Chocolate Lab)

Cafe Soleil (Springdale, Utah) near Zion National Park for lunch, for Mountain Huckleberry Soda (heaven in a bottle), delicious wraps & sandwiches and ice cream bars

Best Medical Care (ok, only medical care):

Zion Medical Clinic (Springdale, Utah) for thoughtful, prompt medical care with a smile, several good jokes, and excellent communication

Best National Park Experiences:

The Badlands, for its “stenuous hike”

Custer State Park (had to include this, though its a State Park), for the Wildlife Loop Road . . . amazing

Yellowstone, because you just don’t find geysers and hot springs like that anywhere

Grand Teton, for the most impressive view, the Jenny Lake Boat ride, and for mountain swimming at String Lake

Zion, for its shuttle bus, gorgeous canyon views, waterfalls, rattlesnakes, and columbine

Mesa Verde, for the Social Studies lessons turned on their head, most adventurous tour, best activities specifically designed for kids, and the best Park Ranger, Ali

Thoughts:

As I reflect upon this adventure we’ve been on for the past three weeks, I am struck by something we probably didn’t need to leave home to find out. At each of his children’s weddings, my Uncle Ted has mentioned a value that is near and dear to him, “The best things in life aren’t things.” As we’ve traveled all these miles together, it seems that the most memorable moments are the ones impacted by thoughtful planning (ours or someone else’s), personal connection and/or a generous Creator.

The views have been amazing. We will not forget them for many years. I have often wondered at the variety of these breathtaking sights. Why would God make red rock walls and grand snow-topped mountains and deep pink canyons and green-topped mesas and bubbling mud and bursting geysers? I understand some of the science behind it all, but why? Why the variety? Why the colors? This may be simple, but it seems that He must have made all of these because it brings Him pleasure and He knew it would bring us pleasure as well. The world did not need to be a beautiful place for it to function. But with God planning it, I think it must be inherently beautiful. We have certainly enjoyed it on this adventure.

Thoughtful planning has been evident in so many circumstances on this trip. From the touches of home that show up in certain hotels to the organization of lines and shuttle bus schedules to the information presented in the summer newspapers to the excellent maps to the trails to the suggestions we have found for doing National Parks with kids. Without the thoughtful planning of our family, the National Park Service, and many others who have visited before us, we would not have had the trip we did. Thank you to each one who contributed to how smoothly things went for us.

At meals, at hotels, and at the Parks, it has been clear that personal connection is what gives life its flavor. Beyond our own family (the Mercks, as well as Dave, Rebecca, Gray, David, Brian and Amy, all of whom we enjoyed), some of our favorite people, who made our adventure memorable:

This adventure has been brought to us courtesy of Hal Burns Merck and the good people at McDonald’s.

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Day 17: Denver & Colorado Springs

My brother, David, lives in a turn-of-the-century house in the Capitol Hill neighborhood of Denver. The house was built in 1906, and became a historical landmark in 1991 based upon several factors:

  • The house’s architects, Marean & Norton, are some of Denver’s most reknowned architectural firms. Albert Julius “Steady” Norton and Willis Adams Marean designed some of the great landmarks in Denver during the first several decades of the 20th century. Their most well-known structures include the Colorado Governor’s Mansion, the YMCA at Lincoln & East 16th, the Shirley Savoy Hotel, and the Neoclassical Greek Theatre in the Civic Center, along with a number of residences in Denver.

  • The original owners of the home were William F. Robinson and Mary Byers Robinson. Mary was the daughter of William N. Byers, founder of the Rocky Mountain News. The Rocky Mountain News published its first issue in 1859 and its last in 2009, one of the dailies to close its doors in the past few years. Business Insider called 2009 “The Year the Newspaper Died.” In the 19th and most of the 20th century, though, the news business was big business. The founder’s daughter married a man she met at the paper, W.F. Robinson, and they eventually built a house on Pennsylvania Street in the Capitol Hill neighborhood.

  • The house has beautiful, historic features that the current owner is in the midst of restoring.

When the current owner, Paul Sjoberg, bought the house in the 1980s, it had been sub-divided into 7 apartments. Paul is in the midst of restoring the house, beginning with re-joining some of the spaces. The house now holds two apartments and the rest of the house. David rents a basement room from Paul, who happened to be in Europe when we were coming through town. We want to give a big thank you to Paul for the privilege of staying in this beautiful, historic house. We hope to meet you some day, and thoroughly enjoyed your home.

We walked to Panera for breakfast and took a quick walking tour of downtown Denver: the Civic Center, the Capitol Building, the first Quizno’s in the nation . . . the important stuff. David lives in a beautiful neighborhood and Denver is a beautiful city: large enough to be convenient and definitely a big city, but small enough to be clean and to have historical residences close to downtown. Look at these fun bikes that you can rent on-the-spot at several locations in the neighborhood. It may also be interesting to note that the Molly Brown House, the home of the “Unsinkable Molly Brown,” is just a block up the street from David’s house.

Here’s a fun thing I found. It’s a Walking Tour Map for the neighborhood surrounding the Molly Brown House. It includes several important sites in the Capitol Hill neighborhood that are worth stopping by. #6, the Robinson House, is my brother’s house. Amusing!

After our walking tour, we got in the car to drive down to Colorado Springs. We did a quick drive-through at Glen Eyrie, the headquarters of the Navigators. My Uncle Rob & Aunt Connie and Uncle John Ed & Aunt Nancy have been on staff with the Navigators for many years, and we have supported Nav staff over the years, so it was fun to see these beautiful headquarters. The capstone is the Castle, built by William Jackson Palmer in the late 1800s.

We headed to Old Colorado City, the historic district, for lunch, and enjoyed a bit of French cuisine at La Baguette. Old Colorado City has lots of little shops and lunch spots. Stop by. It’s fun. We had ice cream after lunch at the Colorado City Creamery, a must-do if you’re in town.

After lunch, we headed to the Garden of the Gods, red rock formations in a park setting. We had fun walking around, though we may be “park-ed out.” It’s likely a good thing that we’re headed home soon. After a walk through the Garden, we headed back to Denver to have a barbecue at David’s with my cousin Brian and his wife, Amy, who also live in Denver. We had a wonderful evening reconnecting with them, hearing about Brian’s work for Vail Resorts, Amy’s work for the Denver Green School (really cool), and Amy’s upcoming spring-distance triathlon.

David, thank you again for a wonderful stay at your house. It was a great way to close out this adventure. And thank you to Brian and Amy for making time to get together with us. We miss you in the Chicago area, but totally get why you stay out here!

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